chaos

i feel like a pendulum swinging bk and forth from being optimistic to pessimistic of my future...there are days i wake up full of confidence that it's just a matter of time before all of this is behind me...and then the very next day i plummet down an unending tunnel...feeling the walls of loneliness surround me....the confusion and the pain takes over...leaving me unable to carry on...those moments late at nite when silence and darkness meet are the worst cos they seem to reflect wat u r truly feeling...an incomprehensible emptiness that binds u to a life lacking fulfillment...

and hw abt those moments u see the same misery befall ur loved ones...see them go thru the same anguish...denial leading to momentary uplifts in spirit and then CRASH...bk down tt un ending tunnel...the longer u've been falling the more u feel like giving up altogether...not wanting to hope for a change for the betta...u'd rather not fight on but close ur eyes and be blind to the directions and paths tt fate leads u to...

i don't know why i'm waiting though i noe what i'm waiting for...i don't know if it's right to wait but i know tt i'd rather wait it out...i don't know what tmr holds but i know it doesn't matter either ways...